Labels

So easy to define people.... I am so glad I went back to The Bridge (the literacy program for kids who are 2-3 years behind in reading performance). I watched Romeo again, since I had been worried about him on Monday. He sits back, eyes unfocused, refusing to introduce himself, pushing away the workbook. In other words, acting like a kid with a diagnosis of something (ADHD? FAS? etc., etc.). He was even more reserved this day and more stubborn. The more I mildly suggested he open his book, the more he gave me an angry look and refused. So, I ignored him and helped other little kids. Eventually, when he was ready, he opened his book and got to work. Later in the day, he was running and playing (though still shy, definitely engaged). Seeing him for two days, I saw the pattern. He is slow to wake up, warm up and join in. He is shy. He has problems with women (like me) who are the age of the grandmother he lives with but blossoms in the presence of older men (like John and Tom). So, who and what is Romeo? Not a diagnosis at all, a complex and changeable kid who opens up to some people, at a time of his own choosing. How easy it would be for me to observe him when he is being resistive to me, disengaged, silent, uncooperative, uncommunicable and give him a label. But what you see (and think) depends on who you are, and when you observe.

We--school teachers, social workers, maybe parents?--are so used to defining people when we see them at their worst, most stressed out, etc. For example, there are plenty of articles on the fact that homeless children test as more depressed than other poor children. As a result, they can get a label and a treatment program. But U of M researcher has found that the depression is an artifact of being in the shelter--an unfamiliar, stressful experience at best. That the depression is temporary. Therefore, she recommends: don't test children for mental health disorders while they are homeless. This is such common sense, but it extends to so many other situations. When a family loses their housing for economic reasons (i.e. they couldn't pay the rent, had to move out) and after doubling up as long as possible with all the friends and family they have, ending up in a shelter--at what point do they become THE HOMELESS? When they get back into an apartment, are they still THE HOMELESS (in many social service programs, the answer is yes)?

So when we see someone in trouble, how do we prevent ourselves from labeling other people with their trouble? How do we separate out the trouble that is caused by a troubled situation, the trouble that we cause because of the way that we interact (or what we represent)? How do we look just as hard for other moments when the same person shows skill, insight, compassion, motivation?

Romeo may have a learning disability. He may have anger issues. But he is more than the sum of his limitations. Good to keep in mind, yes?

marge